My god it’s been far too long since I posted on here! I go apologise to my 3 friends! :p

Xander
Xander is 12 weeks old tomorrow and gaining weight like a trooper! He was 13 pound 7 ounces last Friday and we're expecting him to be over 14 pound when he gets weighed again on Friday. The night feeds are (hopefully) a thing of the past. I've had 5 nights of sleeping through now! So I'm hoping little man can keep it up. His bedtime routine is really helping and he loves his bath time. I do feel so proud of him! He is perfect.

Relationships
It's fair to say Simon and me hit a rocky patch earlier this week. It took a while for everything to come out but in short, I'm stressed, Simon's stressed and Xander is making our relationship more challenging. The main issue is that Xander isn't Simon's. Initially I felt I shouldn't put on Simon and I dealt with Xander's day to day needs entirely. But, Simon expressed his want to help and has become more and more involved in Xander's life. As Uni has got more stressful Simon has felt he couldn't deal with both very well. The problem is that Simon didn't tell me this until we'd had stress caused rows for 3 days! I want him to know I understand how he feels and I wouldn't of put any responsibility or pressure on him if he'd told me it was too much.

I do blame myself, if I'm honest I have an old fashioned view on families. My parents have always had a rocked relationship and I wanted to bring Xander up in a normal family with a Mum and a Dad. I rushed Simon into being a family with me and Xander far too soon. I love Simon very much and Xander does too. I hope we can one day be a family but we shouldn't rush into things too much. Simon didn't choose to be a Father and I don't want to rush him into it.

Life
Things for me of late have been a little challenging. I had the contraceptive implant fitted a few weeks ago and since I've been extremely hormonal and very teary. I've found myself sleeping a lot less even though Xander is now sleeping through (that's irony for you!). I guess I need to let a lot of the past go. Not everything in the world is my fault and the sooner I realise this the better. I've had just about enough of crying.

Simon as always has been a brilliant support. His kind words, hugs and cuddles mean the world to me. I'm very glad they will be hanging around for a while to come! In his own words, he is pretty good :p



Right this afternoon Xander is on a play date with his 9 week old girlfriend Isabella! Lucky sod.
Toodles for now!
Andrea and a snoring Xander
x

It's been a challenging 24 hours, I think that's putting it politely. Xander has developed colic and is now not sleeping very well. Last night I was up at 3am and then at 6am. After the 6am Xander didn't settle. He proceeded to scream the house down refusing to bring up his wind and refusing to settle down. I know it's uncomfortable for him and believe me hearing him in pain isn't nice for me either. It sounds terrible but sometimes I feel myself wishing he would just stop crying.

Don't get my wrong, I love Xander with all my heart and he is the best thing to have ever happened to me. But, I'm just so tired. Recently I've not been sleeping well and now Xander is requiring more attention on a night I'm find it really hard. My Mum was a brilliant help this morning, she took over for an hour while I "slept". By slept I mean lay and fret about all the negative thoughts that seem to be floating around my head. I think I need a holiday... it's been years!

After my nap I felt better and able to maybe face the day. To help Xander get back into a routine I'm only feeding him after 3 and a half hours instead of just demand feeding as I was before. I put Xander in his baby sling for only the second time today and that seemed to help him settle. I love to have Xander close to me, well when he isn't screaming the house down. It's so lovely looking into his big eyes, despite the fact I still can't tell what colour they really are. We managed to both fall asleep at my Nanna's and the feeling is lovely.

This afternoon we went to get Xander weighted. He is now 11 pound 5 ounces! He's now roughly where he should be for his length. Xander was born underweight because of problems during my pregnancy (that's a journal post in itself which I will be creating when I can be bothered). I'm just glad Xander is healthy, despite the problems of the past it's just wonderful to watch him flourish.

I was quite naughty after this and went shopping. I suppose Xander could do with some more sleep suits... so I'll use that excuse. It's unbelievable how much he is growing, you can see the difference everyday. The only problem is the expense. He has more clothes than me, and I'm VERY jealous!

Tonight Simon and I bathed him and used his massage oils. This has made for a sleepy Xander, let's home this lasts! I'm quite glad Simon is here tonight. Last night he needed to stay home to do his coursework and my god I missed him! I think it's been our first full day away from each other since Xander was born. I think he owes me cuddles! Well after QI. QI for the win.

On that note I'm off
Tallyho!
Andi Pandy xxx

Oh hai!

Excuse my profile, I'm still playing!

Today has been challenging... Xander didn't let me have any sleep last night. He wanted food at 1am, 4.30am, 6am and then 7am! I've been zombied all day achieving nothing more and visiting my Nanna and popping to shops with my Mum.

This evening I'm visiting my friend Tiff who only recently got back from Australia, lucky cow! I've got the feeling I'm going to have Xander stolen from me again.

Right to keep playing with profiles!
Toodles!
Andi Pandi x